Family Systems Therapy

“How do I break this cycle?”

You are desperate to change things with your partner, but you are caught up in the same pattern and dysfunction each day.

There is a lack of communication; even a minor incident can create conflict. You and your partner struggle to solve problems cooperatively and understandingly which leads to feelings of frustration and not being heard.

Frustration and shame creep in, and you start to wonder where these patterns began and why it is so hard to change them.

Take Emily*, for instance.

Emily grew up in a family where she often witnessed arguments and distance between her Mom and Dad. As a child, she wondered if her parents would divorce and experienced constant worry and confusion. She threw herself into sports, music, and academics, hoping her efforts would unite the family. Emily experienced anxiety and panic beginning at an early age, and this followed her into her adult life.

Emily internalized that if she just “kept going” and achieved more and more, she would feel safe and secure and be “enough.” No one would know the pain she was feeling and experiencing at home. She is an overachiever and perfectionist with high expectations and experiencing emotional exhaustion from dealing with fear of failure, shame, and guilt.

Emily longs to be emotionally close and vulnerable with her husband but fears she will be seen as weak and broken. She longs to rest and not be seen as the “strong” one.

Although Emily is successful and bright, she always feels inadequate and the only way to be loved is if she is “perfect.” As a result, she pushes love and affection aside and has difficulty believing that she is worthy of being loved.

Emily discovered Family Systems Therapy.

Systems Therapy provided the framework Emily needed to overcome those feelings that started in childhood.

As Emily and I worked together, we explored the family and environment in which she was raised, began to illuminate learned behaviors, and modeled relationship patterns she witnessed and internalized.

We looked at the roles played by her and other family members and addressed how playing those roles impacted Emily as an adult. Emily learned to shed unhealthy dynamics from childhood and create new healthy patterns and responses that led her to the desired relationship goals within herself and her partner.

Family dynamics learned in childhood can repeat in our closest and most intimate relationships. Like Emily, the role she played and the coping mechanisms she had to develop as a child carried over to adulthood, causing pain and dysfunction.

Through developing self-insight and understanding of her past, Emily was able to take control and create healthy patterns and skills that led to fulfillment, intimacy, and safe and secure bonds with her partner.

If you have tried and tried to overcome problems that keep you and your partner in a toxic cycle with no success, I can help. It worked for Emily, and it could work for you. Contact me for more information about how I can help.

*Name and story are composite narratives and do not reflect an actual client.